Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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