How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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