Jerry, you need to find god
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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