I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
