somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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