oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
