i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize