just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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