I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
