Your face is a jimmy john
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
