He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
