it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
