That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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