Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
