we're chasing vodka with high fives
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
