I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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