he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
