I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
