I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let's paint friendship bongs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
