if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
