Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
