I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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