i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's blow job season.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
