Swine flu. Run for my life!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
