he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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