I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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