Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
