Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
