If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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