your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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