well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
