evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
