she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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