I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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