I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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