How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
