LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
