the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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