I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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