hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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