the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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