I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
