We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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