i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
