is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
