...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
