just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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