You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
