Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
