ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
