I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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