if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize