I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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