put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
