you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
