i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
