1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
