happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
