Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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