Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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