so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
