the day after is always just damage control
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
