There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
