i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
