Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
