K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
