dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
