The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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