It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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