My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
