we're blogging at a bar
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
