my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
is it fun? or sober?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
