I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
