you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
