Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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