she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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