WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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